craptastic!

i've been reading a lot of other blogs (mostly by mom's) lately; it started out as a kind of time waster, when i need a break from spreadsheets but quickly became a frustrating pursuit for quality writing by people other than myself who also raise a child, or children. i won't say much more about that...except for: WHERE ARE YOU, Literati/Mothers??? i even joined this network called blogher that is by for and about women bloggers. i don't know if there are quality blogs on there because their site runs too slowly for my i-live-in-the-21st century, impatient & spoiled self.

as a total aside: i love that i freudian-slippishly wrote "myselves" instead of myself in that first sentence. how great is that???

anyway, i was trying to explain to my DBF (i think this means darling boyfriend???) what i'm looking for when i say "quality" writing, but it's hard to explain. there's not like a "category" of writing that's good or not-so-good; nor is there a type of writer who's good or not. it's basically like, there's SO much that goes into writing well, that many people really should just not do it at all. if they lack a reason, pick fear of failure. that's exactly why i don't write as much as i should...or at all, really...

never fear: that was not a joycean epiphany. i knew that all along. however, i would like to write that paragraph in a james joyce kinda way without all the dots and the dot-dot-dots...but, i can't. i love these little guys...!

what was i saying???

oh, right. why not to write... (as opposed to that other argument). so, i know there is the whole argument about blogging is personal and shouldn't be criticized because it's personal. but, let me dispel that myth right here. right now. these people are writing--as my first freshman comp. teacher used to say--to be read. they Want you to read their blogs, just as their mothers probably secretly wanted you to read their journals when they were trash talking their neighbors and kids and their neighbors' kids and their husbands and their husbands' kids (if different from their own). and i do NOT say that just to alleviate my guilt of reading other people's journals, because i don't have any guilt where that is concerned. ahem! the only difference between these modern day mloggers, if you will, is that they call their husband DH's---- now, i can only assume that doesn't mean Designated Hitter in this context; so, it must mean Darling Husband, right??? or, am i missing something? okay. so, assuming DH means what i think it means... ---they call their husbands DH's and then trash talk them. yes, it's cute. but, meant to be read nonetheless. which is the point i'm making. in case you didn't get my point.

how do i know they are meant to be read, you ask? well, because i believe everything written is meant to be read. but, that's a weak argument. so...i'd argue, for lack of a better word, that they're writing to be read because they have a community (see paragraph A) of people that they go read and comment on so that that community of people will then read their blog and comment on it and so forth and so on. they even have contests to promote commenting on their blog. also, they have cute nicknames for themselves, each other, their kids, and their DH's which you would not need in a truly private sphere. lastly, as far as i know a blog has to published for it to be a blog. but i could be wrong about that... there actually is a "keep this posting private" button on my wordpress blog (yes, i just linked to MYSELF. loves.) but i always wonder why anyone would use it.

if i may elaborate on the nicknames... i find those bloggers amusing who are so protective of their "true" identity. i mean, if you're writing something, and PUBLISHING it online for anyone in the whole wide world to see, then why be so secretive?? i don't care if joe blow knows that my name is Charrolee [Murphy] Thompson but i go by lee lee thompson and that i have a son named henri owen lee. what's the big deal? it's not like i'm giving out our social security numbers or bank account information. it's my name, and--along with the story i tell by PUBLISHING things online--i am proud of it.

therefore: if my argument above is clear *laughs out loud uncontrollably* then we can all agree that these bloggers should not be begging us to read them. they should be doing something else that they're totally capable of doing, like knitting, scrapbooking, attending conferences, etc. again, this is the same argument i use on myself (for "real" writing) and it works, as arguments go; however, i've taken a liking to my blogs, so those i keep writing.

uh-oh. this is going to sound Very...well...Very Crappy (not to be confused with craptastic, which is a word i have discovered while mlog surfing, and--well, to be frank: i don't know what it means. but i L-U-V it) by those other bloggers/moms who read my blog. i don't think any of them do...but, just in case they do, i will point out that A) i don't like ANYTHING i read (others will verify this) that either wasn't written by me or wasn't written before i was born. so, Please...don't take this personally. i'm simply searching for my mlogger soulmate and am pissed that i haven't found her yet; and, B) i have found one or two people who's blogs i return to occasionally (ok, i read them Every Day!!!!). and some of them are mothers (see disclaimer below).

one of them, who i will mention within the body of my text--because that seems to signify you're of importance in a blog that mentions a lot of other bloggers/best buds who you've never met (what do they call this? an "online community"?)--is this woman called the portuguesa nova, also known as the anchored nomad. her life is real and her wit/writing--though quite lengthy--you're right, who am i to talk?--lets life speak for itself. she also appears to be a genuinely nice person. why i find that attractive i don't know. but i do. don't take my word for it; go read her yourself.



***disclaimer: there are some mloggers i approve of, such as the suburban correspondent, the philosopher-mom, and the woman who writes motherwise cracks. i also find this blog semi-interesting in its self-deprivationness and this blog simple & sweet (really, i just like the name). last but not least, the bloggess and joy unexpected are worthwhile if only for their shock value. and by shocked, i don't mean: wow, i'm shocked that mothers use foul language or don't love their children 100% of the 24-hours in a day. finally, if you still have a taste for reading, or just for those days when no one else has updated their blog, check out Madame Pince. just because i said you should.

profile updated!

after my comment on the philospher mom's blog (because i want to know what the HELL front-loading laundry detergent is...) showed up as posted by a person named n.o.y.b., i realized i hadn't updated my blogger profile in quite some time. a while back, i had changed my blog title and edited my profile to include the least amount of personal data possible, because while i wanted to keep blogging, i did not want to keep updating my stalker on my life.

well, times have changed. i guess he will find me again. or maybe he already has. why do i think he's a he? i don't know. i just do...

p.s. this blog only appears to have a lot of links. they're really just w/i blogger links, which doesn't count as a true link. in other words, you won't learn anything about the outside world! (except, well, philosopher mom might tell you something you didn't already know)

p.p.s. i love this tiny text. if my whole blog was in tiny text, do you think anyone would read it? does anyone read it anyway???

Day 2, NTTSW

is it okay if i take the elevator down and the stairs back up? because i can't seem to remember to take the stairs until i'm already on the elevator. down is the easy part, anyway...right???

trying to budget

last week, i tried budgeting by keeping track of my daily spending on an excel spreadsheet. i thought if i saw my balance going down, down, down, it might encourage me to spend less.

that is not the case, as evidenced by this graph i made once the week was over:this week, i am trying to budget by giving myself $20 cash every day and keeping my debit card where it belongs--in my pocketbook!

the only problem is: at some point, i will have to buy formula for henri...which costs more than a day's allowance. hmmmmm.

Day 1 of Nat'l Taking the Stairs week

in preparation for our big move this weekend, i thought it would be a good idea to take the stairs as much as possible from now until then. this morning, i couldn't figure out how to get upstairs from the garage without taking the elevator, but i will try that again tomorrow. there must be a way! i did, however, take the stairs up & down when i went to get breakfast. luckily, this is not a "take the stairs" week in order to lose weight--so i was able to get my fat-filled bagel & cream cheese that i love. on the way back up, i almost didn't make it...but i just kept telling myself it will get better with time. [almost] everything gets better with time...

buyer's remorse

i always thought that i didn't like the shoes i bought after wearing them for a day because they were cheap and poorly made. not so, with my brand new shoes i have on today. i paid $100 for these from banana republic and they still hurt my feet like hell! i even got a size up to allow for post-pregnancy largeness.

and while i'm on the topic, i will NEVER buy a bra at victoria's secret again. the woman basically upsold me to the most expensive bra in the store and it is teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrbile. yes, i wear the same bra every day...but, i thought if i spent more money on it, that would be okay. what am i supposed to do? buy 10 $50 bras???

*sigh* i wish i had the time/energy to take both products back! but i don't, so--instead--i blog...

Happy National Healthcare Decisions Day

National Healthcare Decisions Day is a nationwide activity to increase public awareness of advance directives such as health care proxies, with two key goals:

• encourage individuals to express their wishes regarding who will make health care decisions for them if and when they cannot, and
• stimulate discussion with providers regarding these wishes.

(from my job's intranet site)

After becoming a mom, I followed my sister's lead and decided to do both a living will/health care proxy and a last will & testament. I pay for legal assistance through my job and was able to download a DIY legal documents application from ARAG. Basically, I just entered my information in their templates and Woila! I had a will. Of course, I haven't had anyone witness or sign it yet...so it's "technically" not valid.

More importantly, I discussed what was in the will with my immediate family and partner. I strongly believe that decisions made regarding the future of your child should not be kept a secret! My parents took it well that Mark would be the legal guardian in the event of my demise, but I think we still need to make his relationship with Henri legal in some way.

You always think you have "time" but, really, you never know. I'm pretty cynical about death (especially suicide--my favorite type of death) but--all joking aside--you can't expect anyone--even those closest to you--to be able to read your mind. If you have an opinion, which, I'm sure you do, then let someone know, write it down and have a witness sign it. That way, you can rest peacefully for the rest of your death, knowing everything is still being controlled by you.

you can never be too laconic

normally, i don't share my tattoo ideas with the outside world until after they're permanently stamped on my body. but, this one is too good to be kept inside. (besides, i need some help with it).

i've decided to keep going up my right arm with the word laconic--only in different languages. i've looked some up on the universal dictionary system. see if you can guess the languages:

• fåordig
• laconique
• lakonisch
• лаконичный
• lacónico
• lakonisk
• özlü

there's no translation for japanese, chinese or korean...so, i'd have to get somebody to help me with that. also, i think i'd want to confirm russian and turkish with someone who knows what they're talking about, before tattooing anything on my body.

it occurs to me now that tattooing the word laconic on your arm multiple times is very not-laconic. oops. maybe i can pass it off as irony?

moving (again)

we are once again moving and (soon) 43 early ave will be no more. well, at least, it won't be ours anymore. there are pros & cons to this, but mostly pros:

• more space
• henri will have a fabulous room of his own
• WTF? there are a million bathrooms in this place
• good times decorating a brand new place
• more space
• awesome appliances in kitchen
• awesome kitchen
• will have an authentic patio
• off-street parking (except its kinda tight)
• close to my work
• more space
• [hopefully] better-managed utilities
• laundry is not in a dungeon
• closer to lakay/emma (b/c they're moving too)
• watertown isn't THAT bad, i guess...especially the belmont side
• THIS IS A PARTY HOUSE, PEOPLE. you will never want to leave.
• there are no pesky downstairs neighbors or vicious animals to contend with
  
• and, did i mention it's a lot more space???

the cons are: mo' money, mo 'money, mo' money. but--hey--it's not only what makes the world go round, it's what makes all of the above possible. it's only money, after all. and i will still be able to save some money, once i've paid down my credit card debt. *sigh* how many times have i said that?

there's nothing worse than gross coffee

well, maybe some things are worse than that; but i can't think of any at the moment...

saying goodbye?

warning: this post violates the "reason" behind this blog, which is to post Brand New Thoughts.

anyhoo--
i don't know why i can't just get over it; but i read dcs's blog today. a posting in february begins like this: "in some ways, breaking up with lee lee was easy..." my first thought was -- hey, no it wasn't! and my second -- what a loser jerk asshole not-a-father lovesick hopeless romantic immature jerkoff this former "love of my life" is...

in further thinking, i'm wondering: A) to which breakup does he refer? and, B) why am i okay with women in 19th c. novels not wanting to be mothers post-children, but not okay with this 21st c. situation i have put myself in. bottom line: dave and i chose to make a baby, not to have a child together. but--obviously--it's not that black & white. will i always wonder why he chose to donate that sperm? or, will dave some day grow up & decide he wants to make a decision. (read: making a decision entails choosing not to be a part of your biological child's life, NOT ignoring the fact that you have a child in the first place).

to be frank, i am past the point where i can sit around and wait on this fatal (?) decision to be made. i have to do what's best for my child (coincidentally, this is also what's best for me, my partner and the rest of my family); i have to move on with my life.

but, let me point out--lest you think i'm not aware--that i lucked out in this whole thing. i made a selfish choice, forever entangling myself with a self-absorbed & not self-aware person and instead of being spanked or forever banished to hell like i should've been...i get HENRI. wow. i must have done something spectacular in a previous life...in all of my previous lives.