???

GAWD. i can't believe that was my last post. i guess work took over my life there for a little bit. that, or i'm just taking laconic to it's true self. as in, not talking (writing) at all! that, or i'm a mom of a 1 1/2 year old who also works (most of the time). that, or i'm just lazy.

why so quiet?

if anyone read this blog, they might've noticed i haven't written anything in a while. as i once explained to a loved one of mine: the only time i'm quiet is when something is seriously wrong.

i guess i just don't see the point of talking about stuff that there's no solution to.

it is odd--however--that i met, fell in love with and am now seriously committed to a person who actually thinks by Talking Out Loud. does anyone else see the irony in this? if we were living in sitcom land, there'd be laughter and applause after this realization...

how to blog about the how to wiki

this is a cool website, but i have to imagine that everything i know how to do well enough to give step-by-step instructions has already been written about. except how to be a functioning alcoholic and i think that would likely fall under their "recreational drug us is not something we want people to be good at doing" policy.

*sigh*

profile updated!

after my comment on the philospher mom's blog (because i want to know what the HELL front-loading laundry detergent is...) showed up as posted by a person named n.o.y.b., i realized i hadn't updated my blogger profile in quite some time. a while back, i had changed my blog title and edited my profile to include the least amount of personal data possible, because while i wanted to keep blogging, i did not want to keep updating my stalker on my life.

well, times have changed. i guess he will find me again. or maybe he already has. why do i think he's a he? i don't know. i just do...

p.s. this blog only appears to have a lot of links. they're really just w/i blogger links, which doesn't count as a true link. in other words, you won't learn anything about the outside world! (except, well, philosopher mom might tell you something you didn't already know)

p.p.s. i love this tiny text. if my whole blog was in tiny text, do you think anyone would read it? does anyone read it anyway???

saying goodbye?

warning: this post violates the "reason" behind this blog, which is to post Brand New Thoughts.

anyhoo--
i don't know why i can't just get over it; but i read dcs's blog today. a posting in february begins like this: "in some ways, breaking up with lee lee was easy..." my first thought was -- hey, no it wasn't! and my second -- what a loser jerk asshole not-a-father lovesick hopeless romantic immature jerkoff this former "love of my life" is...

in further thinking, i'm wondering: A) to which breakup does he refer? and, B) why am i okay with women in 19th c. novels not wanting to be mothers post-children, but not okay with this 21st c. situation i have put myself in. bottom line: dave and i chose to make a baby, not to have a child together. but--obviously--it's not that black & white. will i always wonder why he chose to donate that sperm? or, will dave some day grow up & decide he wants to make a decision. (read: making a decision entails choosing not to be a part of your biological child's life, NOT ignoring the fact that you have a child in the first place).

to be frank, i am past the point where i can sit around and wait on this fatal (?) decision to be made. i have to do what's best for my child (coincidentally, this is also what's best for me, my partner and the rest of my family); i have to move on with my life.

but, let me point out--lest you think i'm not aware--that i lucked out in this whole thing. i made a selfish choice, forever entangling myself with a self-absorbed & not self-aware person and instead of being spanked or forever banished to hell like i should've been...i get HENRI. wow. i must have done something spectacular in a previous life...in all of my previous lives.